apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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