apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
