Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
