i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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