There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
