sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
