Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
