PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
