I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
