you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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