I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize