hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
