Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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