I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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