you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
