when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
