whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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