Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
