the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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