So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
