So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
