I CAN MOONWALK!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
