do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
