Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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