shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
