I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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