Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
