Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
