The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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