Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
