I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
