can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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