my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
