Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
