I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
its liver damage thursday
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
