yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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