my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
