I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think I just sharted jello shots
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize