Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
