Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
