alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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