Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
