All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
