He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
