Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
