its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
