First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
