Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize