I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
