Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
