Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
