and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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