and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
