i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
