Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
