Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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