we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
