i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
lol hangovers are for mortals.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
