My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
