The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
