So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
