So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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