We named our party play list daddy issues
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
