Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
