I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
