New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
