My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
