dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
