He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
a search helicopter?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
