I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
